So cryptic

And, I'm still so cryptic in my poems, which barely graze the surface of the feelings behind them. I've been talented with words, able to shield and veil the truths in me. Leading those who get close away with a cryptic word, leading in circles until they give up. Veiling in half truths, or truths that aren't really mine. Playing word games, although, sometimes they're not games, they're just play, to get away from the more serious things.

Its 2:30 in the morning, and i couldn't sleep, because of the first line in the previous poem, and the truths that are in that poem, trying to figure out how to word it. And I did it again, I worded it in a way that leaves the reader guessing, even if they think they know whats behind it. I wonder if they really do. Because I left out a few things, or I used another word that could mean something else. Sometimes, those words just work with the rhythm of the words. Even if its not quite what I meant.

I have all these words wandering through my mind. Some stick out, and stick around for days, until I write them down. Some disappear, before I can even get a handle on them. Which is why I've taken to keeping the laptop on my nightstand. So that on nights like tonight, I can write it out. And then perhaps I can sleep.

My perfect Thanksgiving

I'm not one for a lot of pomp on holidays. Ideally, I'd cook, and family and friends would stop by for a bite and some conversation before moving on to their own homes.

And this year was perfect. Just me and my kids. I cooked a turkey breast roast and mashed potatoes. We had olives and sparkling cider. I put the roast in my lovely roaster pan, temp at 350 and rubbed olive oil and some seasoning on it. I then took a 3 hour nap and woke to the mouthwatering aroma of turkey. For being a breast roast, it was amazingly tender and moist. While the turkey finished roasting I whipped up some mashed potatoes, due to allergies in the household I couldn't use butter and milk in them. Instead I used half a can of chicken broth, and some Canola Harvest margarine. It turned out delicious!

We spent a relaxed day at home, had a few friends stop by that night to say hi, watched a few Christmas movies. It was a great day.

Doodles

Flights of Fancy
Flying High
Soaring on an angel's wing
Into a world of magic
Catching a Star
Touching the Shimmery light
Flying to the highest heights
Or the Furthest reaches of darkness





Survive
How can we survive
When the only danger
Is our Lives
And the only escape
Is Death




Green man
Step softly, my sweet
You ne'er may know when
A green man
You may meet




Moonlight
Nothing was e'er as bright
As a soft, sweet summer's night
With elfin hoods
In fairy broods
Singing laughter on a breeze
Sifting through the moonlit trees

with heart

I've been trying to write from the heart. Its more difficult than I imagined. I realized something as I was reading through old poetry. They were smoke screens, an attempt to distract people from what was really happening in my head. And my heart. So I've been attempting to bring more of me into my work.

For one thing, I don't think I really know who I am, or what I am. I continually have things running through my head. I'm discovering new things about myself too. Like I'm strong, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I'm smart, I like to think, to roll new ideas through my mind and look at them from every angle possible.

I love words. I love to write, and I think this blag will help me find who I am through writing. So, I guess that's what this blag will be, a journey of self discovery through writing and poetry. If you ask me, I'm not a poetry writer, but sometimes my words form themselves into poem patterns. The words just lilt along. One thing I've had a problem with is ending the poems, they seem to drift off. The last few lines seem to escape me. I wrote something yesterday, I don't think its finished, but I can't for the life of me write the finishing lines.

Maybe thats the point though, there will always be something left, nothing will be finished. Which is why we make progress, always reaching for that infinite goal. Succeeding, failing, moving forwards, stepping backwards. But always growing, changing, moving.

Voyeurism

I watch people

Sitting Quietly in the Shadows

I see how they act

When no one sees

Who they really are

I hear what they say

the minuscule inflections

The words they use

The gestures they make

The faces they pull

I see behind the masks

The insincere eyes

the Fake smiles

the unshed tears

The truth behind the lies

The lies beyond the truth



this is why I have no friends

I found myself in a box today

With not much to say
But so much to tell

Hints of who I used to be
Hints of who I'm to become

Words fading with time
Lines fading into lines

Turning pages
Forwards and Backwards

Discovering a talent
Long hidden

A joy, a hobbie, an escape
A definition of me

Out of My Mind

I drift
I drift above the clouds
I fly among the stars
My body is still as
My fantasies take control
I rise above the contentions
Above the worries
All the people that
Surround me
Talking, always talking
They don't see what I see
Or experience the wonders
That I remember
They don't comprehend
All they can do is talk
I hover above them
For a moment
Then, out of my control
Involuntarily, I sink
I sink, back to the realities
The horrors of the world
But deep down I know
That I can escape
Floating again into my fantasies
Out of my mind

Growing up

My oldest child just came in here and said "Look mom!" He smiled real big and there was gap in his mouth, he held out the small white tooth that had previously resided there. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't even noticed any of his teeth being loose. I knew this day was coming but that didn't stop me from becoming slightly misty eyed.

I sometimes forget how old he is getting. My first child, growing up so quickly. He's in kindergarten now and so smart. This has reminded me though, that his firsts are becoming rare and few between. As a parent you go through all the mile markers of firsts, first tooth, first solid food, first step, first word, and on up to first day of school, and now this, first lost tooth. Somehow that makes him that much closer to growing up. I just keep thinking, now his adult teeth will be coming in.

Its a bittersweet moment for a parent. I'm so happy that he's growing up, yet I also wish he wouldn't do it so fast.

There will be more firsts. It just seems that the losing of a teeth is the beginning of a new era of firsts, the grown up one. Now we'll have first crushes, first books read, first driving experience, first dates, first kisses.